The
Acadumby Awards, better known as the Oscars, is one of the stupidest,
phoniest, cheesiest, and most ridiculous annual events (of any kind) in
the world - that much we know. However, what very few of you do know is
that every year Hollywood honours actresses with the obscure but to me
most prestigious award of them all - the Best Tits Oscar.
I am quite pleased (and a little proud too I have to admit) to inform you that I have been the Chairman of this award ceremony since its inception in 1968. That year, Hollywood realized that decadence had finally hit the big screens to the extent where there were enough boobs to validate the existence of such an award. Until then, bare tits were rarely seen in films, due to heavy censorship laws, the fact that there were less sluts in show-biz, and because the Kremlin-pushed hippie revolution hadn't yet happened i.e. brought about a general lowering of standards.
Very importantly, the breastal winners aren't decided by the usual 5,000 dolts who infest Tinseltown and vote for those idiotic regular Oscars. As a result, factors such as political orientation, nepotism, and pat-on-the-back favouritism do not influence the outcome in any way. As Chairman of these awards, I personally handpick the 5,000 voters, and I can assure you that they are all male and straight. There's none of that nonsense of gays and women deciding what does or doesn't constitute a beautiful female body, as is the case with Hollywood and the fashion world these days (which is why we have increasingly ugly women celebs such as Jennifer Aniston - who has very shit tits, as well, I might add).
How did I pick the 5,000 voters? I'd decided that the best men for the job are chronic masturbators.
RULES: Documentaries, movie shorts, music clips, and porn are not eligible. Silicone implants are banned from competing, so you won't be seeing any of those; breast implants are a form of cheating, but more importantly they're extremely ugly. All nominees get their breasts hand-tested, in cases where it's not 100% sure whether their tits are real or not. Asking them whether their boobs are fake isn't enough since, as we all know, actresses tend to lie a lot - and not just on casting couches.
LAYOUT: Each year shows ALL the outstanding tits. Actresses with average or shitty tits are not included, no matter how famous they may be. FIVE of these are selected to be actual nominees, just like with the regular shitty Oscars. The winner and the other four nominees are all marked with bold orange lettering. For those of you who still don't get it: these 5 are the best of the year. All the candidates - nominees and non-nominees - aren't listed in any particular order, except the winner who is shown at the end of each year's list.
So now that you know who picked the winners and what the criteria are, check out the lucky gals who got to carry home these prestigious awards for showing their great tits to the general public.
A more primitive version of the Best Tits Oscar list had first been posted by me in 2009.
1985.
And The Oscar Goes To...
& Also...
Yes, this year there was a tie between two pairs of tits i.e. two women.
Acceptance Speech (Myriem): "Je crois que ce n'est pas fair que je ne suis pas la seule gagneur de ca trophieux fantasique. Cette putain la, cette Mathilda May, doit etre heureux que sa tits ont la meme numereux de votes que moi. Salope."
Acceptance Speech (Mathilda): "You done, bitch? OK, it's my turn now. I have no idea what the French skank just said, but she mentioned my name, and she'd better have said something nice about me, or I'll get even more peeved than I already am. To share an award with a damn Frenchy who can't even learn five words of English to thank these 5,000 honorable American wankers for giving her this award is bad enough. Still, I hope you all enjoyed our bizarre little sci-fi tale that featured me naked for almost the entire time. Chairman Vjetropev says this is one of the most competitive years ever, and that a large number of amazing tits didn't even get to be nominated. What an honour. Thank you, Vjetropev, for giving our boobs the respect they deserve!"
1986.
And The Winner Is...
Acceptance Speech: "Je veux me gratuir pour gagner cette trophy magnifique, est je promis que je vais montrer ma melons dans toute les filmes prochaines que je fais. C'est artistique est je vais etre toujours un artiste de filmeaux."
1987.
And The Best Tits Oscar Goes To...
Acceptance Speech: "I'm so glad that finally an American woman won this amazing award again. If I hear another acceptance speech in French I'll slit my husband's wrists. Anyway, so cool to have the rare honour and privilege of flashing my boobs in two different movies this year, which was both fun - and funny. Funny coz, I mean you should've seen the film crew! Half the guys were jerking off, while the other half were struggling to find clean tissues. Damn, it's fun making art."
1988.
And The Oscar Goes To...
Acceptance Speech: "Gee whiz, where do I even start? I mean, everyone knows I was on CNN just a few years ago, coz I was doing underage porn bla bla bla, and now look at where it's gotten me? Legit movies! OK, I still flash my boobs, and I'm naked and all that, but when the penis goes inside my vagina the viewers don't get to see it! It's PRETEND fucking. See, now that's what makes art art: the penis is nowhere in sight and the bush is only rarely seen. My story should be an inspiration to all the young girls out there - and a lesson to be learned: if you do porn aged less than 18 make sure nobody finds out, but even if they do it's not really your fault coz you were too young to understand what fucking is so you don't have to worry about getting into trouble, and then you get a proper movie career handed to you coz you're a famous headline slut. I am glad and proud to win this award almost as much as I'm proud to be a role model to little girls everywhere. Young whores need to know that it IS safe to do porn as a young girl, and that it CAN lead to a movie career. Of course, you do need to have fantastic knockers like me in order to WIN an award as amazing as this one. I will place this trophy right next to my Miss Teen Wet-Shirt Skank Of The Year award, and I shall make sure none of my many lovers stain it while we have sex. Thanks, people."
1989.
And The Oscar For Best Tits Goes To...
Acceptance Speech: "Pew! I would have hated to lose twice in a row. Last year I was a bit fuller and I think that was what helped me win the award this time around, coz I am noticably thinner now. No?... Chairman Vjetropev, you want to say something?... I think he's trying to say... Yes, he's saying that I didn't win coz of the weight lost last year but coz Traci Lords is unbeatable. Well, Mr. Chairman, I don't know if you can speak on behalf of all 5,000 masturbators who vote for this award, but... You can? He says he can. Anyway, I'd like to say hi to all my friends and family who must be thrilled to have their daughter, sister, and friend run around naked in films."
I am quite pleased (and a little proud too I have to admit) to inform you that I have been the Chairman of this award ceremony since its inception in 1968. That year, Hollywood realized that decadence had finally hit the big screens to the extent where there were enough boobs to validate the existence of such an award. Until then, bare tits were rarely seen in films, due to heavy censorship laws, the fact that there were less sluts in show-biz, and because the Kremlin-pushed hippie revolution hadn't yet happened i.e. brought about a general lowering of standards.
Very importantly, the breastal winners aren't decided by the usual 5,000 dolts who infest Tinseltown and vote for those idiotic regular Oscars. As a result, factors such as political orientation, nepotism, and pat-on-the-back favouritism do not influence the outcome in any way. As Chairman of these awards, I personally handpick the 5,000 voters, and I can assure you that they are all male and straight. There's none of that nonsense of gays and women deciding what does or doesn't constitute a beautiful female body, as is the case with Hollywood and the fashion world these days (which is why we have increasingly ugly women celebs such as Jennifer Aniston - who has very shit tits, as well, I might add).
How did I pick the 5,000 voters? I'd decided that the best men for the job are chronic masturbators.
RULES: Documentaries, movie shorts, music clips, and porn are not eligible. Silicone implants are banned from competing, so you won't be seeing any of those; breast implants are a form of cheating, but more importantly they're extremely ugly. All nominees get their breasts hand-tested, in cases where it's not 100% sure whether their tits are real or not. Asking them whether their boobs are fake isn't enough since, as we all know, actresses tend to lie a lot - and not just on casting couches.
LAYOUT: Each year shows ALL the outstanding tits. Actresses with average or shitty tits are not included, no matter how famous they may be. FIVE of these are selected to be actual nominees, just like with the regular shitty Oscars. The winner and the other four nominees are all marked with bold orange lettering. For those of you who still don't get it: these 5 are the best of the year. All the candidates - nominees and non-nominees - aren't listed in any particular order, except the winner who is shown at the end of each year's list.
So now that you know who picked the winners and what the criteria are, check out the lucky gals who got to carry home these prestigious awards for showing their great tits to the general public.
A more primitive version of the Best Tits Oscar list had first been posted by me in 2009.
Oscars For Best Tits: 1985-1989
1985.
 |
| Debi Sue Voorhees in "Friday the 13th Part 5" (left) + "Appointment With Fear" & Monique Gabrielle in "Screen Test" |
 |
| Kelly Preston in "Mischief" (right) + "Secret Admirer" (left) |
 |
| Serena Grandi in "Miranda" & Melissa Leo in "Streetwalkin'" |
 |
| Sarah Miles (left and middle) & Felicity Dean in "Steaming" |
 |
| Sue Bowser in "Into the Night" & Joyce Hyser in "Just One of the Guys" |
 |
| Maria Isabel Lopez & Sarsi Emmanuelle in "Silip" |
 |
| Myra Manibog in "Silip" |
 |
| Emmanuelle Seigner in "Detective" |
 |
| Lisa Allison in "Love Circles" |
 |
| Pauline Lafont in "Cop au vin" + "Le pactole" |
 |
| Lynda Wiesmeier in "Malibu Express" |
 |
| Barbara Edwards & Kimberley McArthur in "Malibu Express" |
 |
| Greta Scacchi in "The Coca Cola Kid" |
 |
| Ewa Carlson in "Jane Horney" & Hilary Shepard in "Private Resort" |
 |
| Sandrine Bonnaire in "Police" |
 |
| Ewa Zietek in "Nadzor" |
 |
| Kathleen Kinmont in "Fraternity Vacation" |
 |
| Barbara Crampton in "Re-Animator" (upper and middle) + "Fraternity Vacation " (last row) |
 |
| Juliette Binoche in "Family Life" + "Rendez-vous" |
 |
| Rose McVeigh in "Porky's Revenge" & "Rebecca Wood in "Friday the 13th Part 5" |
 |
| Sandra Beall in "Key Exchange" & CJ Fidler in "Loose Screws" |
 |
| Anne Gautier in "Hail Mary" |
And The Oscar Goes To...
 |
| Myriem Roussel for "Hail Mary" (above) + "Tristesse et beaute" (below) |
& Also...
 |
| Mathilda May for "Lifeforce" |
Yes, this year there was a tie between two pairs of tits i.e. two women.
Acceptance Speech (Myriem): "Je crois que ce n'est pas fair que je ne suis pas la seule gagneur de ca trophieux fantasique. Cette putain la, cette Mathilda May, doit etre heureux que sa tits ont la meme numereux de votes que moi. Salope."
Acceptance Speech (Mathilda): "You done, bitch? OK, it's my turn now. I have no idea what the French skank just said, but she mentioned my name, and she'd better have said something nice about me, or I'll get even more peeved than I already am. To share an award with a damn Frenchy who can't even learn five words of English to thank these 5,000 honorable American wankers for giving her this award is bad enough. Still, I hope you all enjoyed our bizarre little sci-fi tale that featured me naked for almost the entire time. Chairman Vjetropev says this is one of the most competitive years ever, and that a large number of amazing tits didn't even get to be nominated. What an honour. Thank you, Vjetropev, for giving our boobs the respect they deserve!"
1986.
 |
| Frances Raines in "Breeders" |
 |
| Sabine Haudepin in "Max mon amour" |
 |
| Helen Nicholas in "Working Girls" & Lisa Eichhorn in "Opposing Force" |
 |
| Louise Smith in "Working Girls" |
 |
| Stella Stevens in "Monster in the Closet" & Jasna Beri in "Lepota Poroka" |
 |
| Jasmina Medenica in "Sekula i njegove zene" |
 |
| Cynthia Dale in "The Boy In Blue" & Ann Hull in "Shadows Run Black" |
 |
| Mirjana Blaskovic in "Smeker" |
 |
| Maja Mitic in "Smeker" |
 |
| Maruschka Detmers in "Devil in the Flesh" |
 |
| Marta Klubowicz in "The Apple Tree of Paradise" |
 |
| Oona Kirsch in "Forever Young" & Serena Grandi in "Desiderando Guilia" |
 |
| Florence Guerin in "La bonne" |
 |
| Lenore Zann in "One Night Only" |
 |
| Tatjana Simic in "Flodder" |
 |
| Janelle Brady in "Class of Nuke 'Em High" |
And The Winner Is...
 |
| Patricia Barzyk for "La machine a decoudre" |
Acceptance Speech: "Je veux me gratuir pour gagner cette trophy magnifique, est je promis que je vais montrer ma melons dans toute les filmes prochaines que je fais. C'est artistique est je vais etre toujours un artiste de filmeaux."
1987.
 |
| Pauline Lafont in "Sale destine" (left) + "L'ete en pente douce" |
 |
| Patty Duffek in "Hard Ticket to Hawaii", Marianne Saegbrecht in "Bagdad Cafe" & Liz Hurley in "Aria" |
 |
| Dona Speir in "Hard Ticket to Hawaii" |
 |
| Caroline Milmoe in "The Magic Toyshop" |
 |
| Helen Mirren in "Cause Celebre" |
 |
| Annette O'Toole in "Cross My Heart" & Serena Grandi in "Delirium" |
 |
| Monique Gabrielle in "Amazon Women on the Moon" + "Deathstalker II" |
 |
| Amanda Donohue in "Castaway" |
 |
| Greta Scacchi in "White Mischief" (left) + "A Man In Love" (middle) + "Good Morning Babylon" (right) |
 |
| Julie McCullough in "Big Bad Mama II" |
 |
| Hope Marie Carlton in "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" |
And The Best Tits Oscar Goes To...
 |
| Diane Lane for "The Big Town" (left) + "Lady Beware" (right) |
Acceptance Speech: "I'm so glad that finally an American woman won this amazing award again. If I hear another acceptance speech in French I'll slit my husband's wrists. Anyway, so cool to have the rare honour and privilege of flashing my boobs in two different movies this year, which was both fun - and funny. Funny coz, I mean you should've seen the film crew! Half the guys were jerking off, while the other half were struggling to find clean tissues. Damn, it's fun making art."
1988.
 |
| Sherilyn Fenn in "Two-Moon Junction" |
 |
| Liz Hurley in "Rowing With the Wind" & Elizabeth Kaitan in "Friday the 13th Part 7" |
 |
| Kim Cattrall in "Masquerade" & Hope Marie Carlton in "Picasso Trigger" |
 |
| Giuditta del Vecchio in "Snack Bar Budapest" |
 |
| Anna Galiena in "La travestie" & Jennifer Inch in "Birds in Paradise" |
 |
| Charlotte Gainsbourg in "La petite voleuse" |
 |
| Sinolicka Trpkova in "Dom za vesanje" |
 |
| Petronella Barker in "Sweetwater" |
 |
| Cibby Danyla in "They Live" & Virginia Madsen in "Gotham" (right) |
 |
| Uma Thurman in "Dangerous Liaisons" & Teri Weigel in "Cheerleader Camp" |
 |
| Jessica Moore (Luciana Ottaviani) in "Non aver paura della zia Marta" |
 |
| Maribel Verdu in "Sinatra" |
 |
| Kym Malin in "Picasso Trigger" |
And The Oscar Goes To...
 |
| Tracy Lords for "Not of This Earth" |
Acceptance Speech: "Gee whiz, where do I even start? I mean, everyone knows I was on CNN just a few years ago, coz I was doing underage porn bla bla bla, and now look at where it's gotten me? Legit movies! OK, I still flash my boobs, and I'm naked and all that, but when the penis goes inside my vagina the viewers don't get to see it! It's PRETEND fucking. See, now that's what makes art art: the penis is nowhere in sight and the bush is only rarely seen. My story should be an inspiration to all the young girls out there - and a lesson to be learned: if you do porn aged less than 18 make sure nobody finds out, but even if they do it's not really your fault coz you were too young to understand what fucking is so you don't have to worry about getting into trouble, and then you get a proper movie career handed to you coz you're a famous headline slut. I am glad and proud to win this award almost as much as I'm proud to be a role model to little girls everywhere. Young whores need to know that it IS safe to do porn as a young girl, and that it CAN lead to a movie career. Of course, you do need to have fantastic knockers like me in order to WIN an award as amazing as this one. I will place this trophy right next to my Miss Teen Wet-Shirt Skank Of The Year award, and I shall make sure none of my many lovers stain it while we have sex. Thanks, people."
1989.
 |
| Cordelia Gonzalez in "Born on the 4th of July" |
 |
| Rosie Perez in "Do the Right Thing" |
 |
| Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in "The January Man" |
 |
| Sophie Marceau in "My Nights Are More Beautiful Than Yours" |
 |
| Yeardley Smith in "Ginger Ale Afternoon" |
 |
| Vanessa Paradis in "Noce Blanche" & Gina Bellman in "Blackeyes" |
 |
| Karen Colston in "Sweetie" |
 |
| Youki Kudoh in "Mystery Train" |
 |
| Lolita Davidovich in "Blaze" & Lisa London in "Savage Beach" |
 |
| Katherine E. Miller in "The January Man" & Judy Tatum in "Witchtrap" |
 |
| Oksana Arbuzova in "Avariya - doch menta" |
 |
| Judith Godreche in "La fille de 15 ans" |
And The Oscar For Best Tits Goes To...
 |
| Teri Weigel for "Savage Beach" |
Acceptance Speech: "Pew! I would have hated to lose twice in a row. Last year I was a bit fuller and I think that was what helped me win the award this time around, coz I am noticably thinner now. No?... Chairman Vjetropev, you want to say something?... I think he's trying to say... Yes, he's saying that I didn't win coz of the weight lost last year but coz Traci Lords is unbeatable. Well, Mr. Chairman, I don't know if you can speak on behalf of all 5,000 masturbators who vote for this award, but... You can? He says he can. Anyway, I'd like to say hi to all my friends and family who must be thrilled to have their daughter, sister, and friend run around naked in films."
Best Tits Oscars 1990-1994:
http://vjetropevsoscars.blogspot.rs/2016/03/oscars-for-best-tits-1990-1994.html
http://vjetropevsoscars.blogspot.rs/2016/03/oscars-for-best-tits-1990-1994.html
Best 50 Comic-Book Illustrators of All-Time:
https://vjetroscomics.blogspot.com/2020/01/best-50-comic-book-illustrators-of-all.html
https://vjetroscomics.blogspot.com/2020/01/best-50-comic-book-illustrators-of-all.html
Have You Ever Done An I.Q. Test?
https://vjetropevchecksyourintelligence.blogspot.com/2017/11/imbecile-test-just-how-dumb-are-you.html
https://vjetropevchecksyourintelligence.blogspot.com/2017/11/imbecile-test-just-how-dumb-are-you.html
