The
Acadumby Awards, better known as the Oscars, is one of the stupidest,
phoniest, cheesiest, and most ridiculous annual events (of any kind) in
the world - that much we know. However, what very few of you do know is
that every year Hollywood honours actresses with the obscure but to me
most prestigious award of them all - the Best Tits Oscar.
I am quite pleased (and a little proud too I have to admit) to inform you that I have been the Chairman of this award ceremony since its inception in 1968. That year, Hollywood realized that decadence had finally hit the big screens to the extent where there were enough boobs to validate the existence of such an award. Until then, bare tits were rarely seen in films, due to heavy censorship laws, the fact that there were less sluts in show-biz, and because the Kremlin-pushed hippie revolution hadn't yet happened i.e. brought about a general lowering of standards.
Very importantly, the breastal winners aren't decided by the usual 5,000 knuckleheads who infest Tinseltown and vote for those idiotic regular Oscars. As a result, factors such as political orientation, nepotism, and pat-on-the-back favouritism do not influence the outcome in any way. As Chairman of these awards, I personally handpick the 5,000 voters, and I can assure you that they are all male and straight. There's none of that nonsense of gays and women deciding what does or doesn't constitute a beautiful female body, as is the case with Hollywood and the fashion world these days (which is why we have increasingly ugly women celebs such as Jennifer Aniston - who has very shit tits, as well, I might add).
How did I pick the 5,000 voters? I'd decided that the best men for the job are chronic masturbators.
RULES: Documentaries, movie shorts, music clips, and porn are not eligible. Silicone implants are banned from competing, so you won't be seeing any of those; breast implants are a form of cheating, but more importantly they're extremely ugly. All nominees get their breasts hand-tested, in cases where it's not 100% sure whether their tits are real or not. Asking them whether their boobs are fake isn't enough since, as we all know, actresses tend to lie a lot - and not just on casting couches.
LAYOUT: Each year shows ALL the outstanding tits. Actresses with average or shitty tits are not included, no matter how famous they may be. FIVE of these are selected to be actual nominees, just like with the regular shitty Oscars. The winner and the other four nominees are all marked with bold orange lettering. For those of you who still don't get it: these 5 are the best of the year. All the candidates - nominees and non-nominees - aren't listed in any particular order, except the winner who is shown at the end of each year's list.
So now that you know who picked the winners and what the criteria are, check out the lucky gals who got to carry home these prestigious awards for showing their great tits to the general public.
A more primitive version of the Best Tits Oscar list had first been posted by me in 2009.
2004.
And The Winner Of The Best Tits Oscar Is...
2005.
And The Girl With The Best Movie Tits This Year Is...
I am quite pleased (and a little proud too I have to admit) to inform you that I have been the Chairman of this award ceremony since its inception in 1968. That year, Hollywood realized that decadence had finally hit the big screens to the extent where there were enough boobs to validate the existence of such an award. Until then, bare tits were rarely seen in films, due to heavy censorship laws, the fact that there were less sluts in show-biz, and because the Kremlin-pushed hippie revolution hadn't yet happened i.e. brought about a general lowering of standards.
Very importantly, the breastal winners aren't decided by the usual 5,000 knuckleheads who infest Tinseltown and vote for those idiotic regular Oscars. As a result, factors such as political orientation, nepotism, and pat-on-the-back favouritism do not influence the outcome in any way. As Chairman of these awards, I personally handpick the 5,000 voters, and I can assure you that they are all male and straight. There's none of that nonsense of gays and women deciding what does or doesn't constitute a beautiful female body, as is the case with Hollywood and the fashion world these days (which is why we have increasingly ugly women celebs such as Jennifer Aniston - who has very shit tits, as well, I might add).
How did I pick the 5,000 voters? I'd decided that the best men for the job are chronic masturbators.
RULES: Documentaries, movie shorts, music clips, and porn are not eligible. Silicone implants are banned from competing, so you won't be seeing any of those; breast implants are a form of cheating, but more importantly they're extremely ugly. All nominees get their breasts hand-tested, in cases where it's not 100% sure whether their tits are real or not. Asking them whether their boobs are fake isn't enough since, as we all know, actresses tend to lie a lot - and not just on casting couches.
LAYOUT: Each year shows ALL the outstanding tits. Actresses with average or shitty tits are not included, no matter how famous they may be. FIVE of these are selected to be actual nominees, just like with the regular shitty Oscars. The winner and the other four nominees are all marked with bold orange lettering. For those of you who still don't get it: these 5 are the best of the year. All the candidates - nominees and non-nominees - aren't listed in any particular order, except the winner who is shown at the end of each year's list.
So now that you know who picked the winners and what the criteria are, check out the lucky gals who got to carry home these prestigious awards for showing their great tits to the general public.
A more primitive version of the Best Tits Oscar list had first been posted by me in 2009.
Oscars For Best Tits:
2004-2005
2004.
 |
| Amira Casar in "Anatomy of Hell" |
 |
| Cristina Brondo in "Hipnos" & Deborah Dutch in "The Last Run" |
 |
| Kamilla Baar in "Hamlet" & Carrie Stevens in "Who's Your Daddy" |
 |
| Jessica Collins in "The Ranch" & Charlize Theron in "Head in the Clouds" |
 |
| Chloe Winkel in "The Stratosphere Girl" |
 |
| Natasa Solak in "Zivot je cudo" & Valeria Bruni Tedeschi in "5x2" |
 |
| Mimi Rogers in "The Door in the Floor" & Rosario Dawson in "Alexander" |
 |
| Melissa Pursley in "Blood Gnome" & Lorraine Bracco in "The Sopranos" |
 |
| Kinky Kerry in "Layer Cake" |
 |
| Anna Bruggemann in "Baal" & Claire Keim in "Zodiaque" |
 |
| Samantha Ferris in "The Ranch" |
 |
| Geno Lechner in "Going Under" & Catrin Striebeck in "Head-On" |
 |
| Hiam Abbas in "Nadia et Sarra" & Katja Studt in "Fiesta der Leidenschaft" |
 |
| Joanna Taylor in "Post Impact" & Frankie in "Freak Out" |
 |
| Francesca Inaudi in "After Midnight" |
 |
| Penelope Cruz in "Don't Move" & Fiona Gubelmann in "Employee of the Month" |
 |
| Aya Sugimoto in "Flower and Snake" |
 |
| Dana Ivgy in "Or My Treasure" |
 |
| Sonia Aquino in "Signora" |
 |
| Edita Khainova in "Casanova" |
 |
| Rachelle Williams in "Sin By Murder" |
 |
| Heather Darling in "Blood Gnome" & Giovanna Mezziogiorno in "Au secours, j'ai trente ans" |
 |
| Tiffany Shepis in "The Deviants" (left) + "The Hazing" (right) |
 |
| Sienna Miller in "Alfie" & Karoline Hugler in "Kleinruppin Forever" |
 |
| Marta Nieto in "Face of Terror" |
 |
| Molly Schade in "Eurotrip" |
And The Winner Of The Best Tits Oscar Is...
 |
| Susan Anbeh for "Agnes und seine Bruder" |
2005.
 |
| Marie-Josee Croze in "Munich" |
 |
| Sarah Polley in "The Secret Life of Words" |
 |
| Leonor Watling in "Malas temporadas" |
 |
| Veronica Sanchez in "El Calentito" & Inka Friedrich in "Sommer vorm Balkon" |
 |
| Helene de Saint-Pere in "Peindre ou faire l'amour" |
 |
| Yves-Marie Gnahoua in "Nuit noir" |
 |
| Marie Lecomte in "Nuit Noir" |
 |
| Heather Peace in "Ultimate Force" |
 |
| Amira Casar in "Peindre ou faire l'amour" |
 |
| Marion Cotillard in "The Black Box" |
 |
| Laura Bottrell in "40 Year-Old Virgin" |
 |
| Lisa Sparxxxx in "The Witch's Sabbath" |
 |
| Stefanie Stappenbeck in "Barfuss" + "Das Zimmermaedchen" (lower right) |
 |
| Monica Bellucci in "How Much Do You Love Me?" |
 |
| Stephanie Leonidas in "The Feast of the Goat" |
 |
| Terrina Reese in "Cup of my Blood" & Sally Kellerman in "Boynton Beach Club" |
 |
| Valeria Bruni Tedeschi in "Time To Leave" (above) + "Cote d'Azur" (below) |
 |
| Gretchen Mol in "The Notorious Bettie Page" |
 |
| Salome Stevenin in "Cold Showers" |
 |
| Ludivine Sagnier in "Une aventure" & Pollyanna McIntosh in "Headspace" |
 |
| Cynthia Ettinger in "Carnivale" |
 |
| Marina Vovchenko in "4" |
 |
| Leslie Frank in "Night Fangs" |
 |
| Blanca Lewin in "En la cama" |
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| Bijou Phillips in "Havoc" |
 |
| Isild le Besco in "A Song of Innocence" (above) + "Wild Camp" (below) + "Backstage" |
 |
| Georgia Nica in "The Prophecy: Forsaken" |
 |
| Carla Gugino in "Sin City" |
 |
| Kelly Brook in "Survival Island" |
 |
| Anne Hathaway in "Brokeback Mountain" (left) + "Havoc" (right) |
 |
| Anna Friel in "Niagara Motel" & Zita Gorog in "8 MM 2" |
 |
| Susanne Bormann in "Polly Blue Eyes" & Giovanna Mezzogiorno in "Don't Tell" |
 |
| Bai Ling in "Edmond" |
 |
| Julia Schacht in "Naboer" |
 |
| Melanie Rademaker in "Blood Relic" |
And The Girl With The Best Movie Tits This Year Is...
 |
| Armelle Deutsch for "Vive la vie" |
Best Tits Oscars 2006-2007:
21 Reasons Not To Get Tattoos! A list for all the young, impressionable, hype-happy fad slaves out there:
Hipsterism Explained:
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