The
Acadumby Awards, better known as the Oscars, is one of the stupidest,
phoniest, cheesiest, and most ridiculous annual events (of any kind) in
the world - that much we know. However, what very few of you do know is
that every year Hollywood honours actresses with the obscure but to me
most prestigious award of them all - the Best Tits Oscar.
I am quite pleased (and a little proud too I have to admit) to inform you that I have been the Chairman of this award ceremony since its inception in 1968. That year, Hollywood realized that decadence had finally hit the big screens to the extent where there were enough boobs to validate the existence of such an award. Until then, bare tits were rarely seen in films, due to heavy censorship laws, the fact that there were less sluts in show-biz, and because the Kremlin-pushed hippie revolution hadn't yet happened i.e. brought about a general lowering of standards.
Very importantly, the breastal winners aren't decided by the usual 5,000 morons who infest Tinseltown and vote for those idiotic regular Oscars. As a result, factors such as political orientation, nepotism, and pat-on-the-back favouritism do not influence the outcome in any way. As Chairman of these awards, I personally handpick the 5,000 voters, and I can assure you that they are all male and straight. There's none of that nonsense of gays and women deciding what does or doesn't constitute a beautiful female body, as is the case with Hollywood and the fashion world these days (which is why we have increasingly ugly women celebs such as Jennifer Aniston - who has very shit tits, as well, I might add).
How did I pick the 5,000 voters? I'd decided that the best men for the job are chronic masturbators.
RULES: Documentaries, movie shorts, music clips, and porn are not eligible. Silicone implants are banned from competing, so you won't be seeing any of those; breast implants are a form of cheating, but more importantly they're extremely ugly. All nominees get their breasts hand-tested, in cases where it's not 100% sure whether their tits are real or not. Asking them whether their boobs are fake isn't enough since, as we all know, actresses tend to lie a lot - and not just on casting couches.
LAYOUT: Each year shows ALL the outstanding tits. Actresses with average or shitty tits are not included, no matter how famous they may be. FIVE of these are selected to be actual nominees, just like with the regular shitty Oscars. The winner and the other four nominees are all marked with bold orange lettering. For those of you who still don't get it: these 5 are the best of the year. All the candidates - nominees and non-nominees - aren't listed in any particular order, except the winner who is shown at the end of each year's list.
So now that you know who picked the winners and what the criteria are, check out the lucky gals who got to carry home these prestigious awards for showing their great tits to the general public.
A more primitive version of the Best Tits Oscar list had first been posted by me in 2009.
Oscars For Best Tits: 1970-1974
1970.
And The Winner Of The Best Tits Oscar Is...
Acceptance Speech: "Osecaj je stvarno neverovatan, dobiti ovu nagradu pored takve plejade fantasticnih sisa koje su se takmicile protiv mojih. Vec sam prosle godine bila nominovana, ali ona pizda of rezisera nije hteo da publici jasno prikaze moje spektakularne grudi, te je sve bio zamracio ne bi li scena delovala vise kaobajagi umetnicka, ma debil bre, i zato valjda nisam pobedila. Ali, eto, sada napokon drzim ovu divnu nagradu u rukama. Velika mi je cast da sam iza sebe ostavila takve kurve kao sto su Susan Sarandon i Stephanie Powers... Sorry, I try to say it in English... I most honoured to beat such whores as Susan and Stephanie, and Yugoslavia be proud for me winning this. Thank you so much!"
1971.
And The Winner Is...
Acceptance Speech: "I like-a to thank-a the Chairman of the Boobs Awards-a, Vjetropev, for a-making this the most-a best-a prize in the world! He ask me half hour ago if he can-a touch-a my boobs-a but I say no-a. Not his fault, he not know I not a whore like-a the other skanks-a who lost to me. Excepta for Jenny, she very nice girl."
1972.
And The Winner Is...
Acceptance Speech: "Oh my God, jeez, where do I even start? Looking at all the girls I beat this year, I am so awed, coz I'm not the youngest anymore, and my boobs are already sagging a bit, but it's so nice that the Academy of Arts & Sciences & Very Nice Melons doesn't just favour 19-year-olds. The director was adamant that I show my boobs in the movie, and now I am soooo grateful to him for having such amazing vision, to have realized how crucial those boobs are to the flow of the story, but also coz it means I am holding this prestigious award for the best pair of tits. I hope you guys nominate me again if I shoot more nude scenes with even hangier boobs."
1973.
And The Winner Is...
Acceptance Speech: "First of all, it's such an honour to compete with all these tits. Secondly, it's great to win - especially against boob-legends such as Coffy! Her portrayal of Pam Grier is as legendary as are her boobs, and to actually beat her is a milestone for me. ("Milestone" doesn't have anything to do with either miles or stones, right?) And then to beat out a pregnant, big-titted woman such as Barbara? Wow! If these were the regular Oscars I bet you'd give the award to her coz she's pregnant. But so glad that you guys aren't PC and only honour the best - and my puffy breasts are certainly that."
1974.
And The Winner Is...
Acceptance Speech: "Oh my Goooooood, thank you sooooo much for this! Everyone thought Pam would win, and I hope she doesn't throw too much of a fit... There she is, sitting in the... one... two... three... Sitting in the third row. She seems calm about it, but she may explode later, I hope not. It can't be easy losing out to me, seeing as how we were both in the same movie, and she was the star and I was just one of the girls who briefly flash their tits and all. Anyway, glad the Academy of Tits & Boobs recognized my chestal talents, coz guys have been jerking off to me for years - and now this, the icing on the cake! Wow!"
I am quite pleased (and a little proud too I have to admit) to inform you that I have been the Chairman of this award ceremony since its inception in 1968. That year, Hollywood realized that decadence had finally hit the big screens to the extent where there were enough boobs to validate the existence of such an award. Until then, bare tits were rarely seen in films, due to heavy censorship laws, the fact that there were less sluts in show-biz, and because the Kremlin-pushed hippie revolution hadn't yet happened i.e. brought about a general lowering of standards.
Very importantly, the breastal winners aren't decided by the usual 5,000 morons who infest Tinseltown and vote for those idiotic regular Oscars. As a result, factors such as political orientation, nepotism, and pat-on-the-back favouritism do not influence the outcome in any way. As Chairman of these awards, I personally handpick the 5,000 voters, and I can assure you that they are all male and straight. There's none of that nonsense of gays and women deciding what does or doesn't constitute a beautiful female body, as is the case with Hollywood and the fashion world these days (which is why we have increasingly ugly women celebs such as Jennifer Aniston - who has very shit tits, as well, I might add).
How did I pick the 5,000 voters? I'd decided that the best men for the job are chronic masturbators.
RULES: Documentaries, movie shorts, music clips, and porn are not eligible. Silicone implants are banned from competing, so you won't be seeing any of those; breast implants are a form of cheating, but more importantly they're extremely ugly. All nominees get their breasts hand-tested, in cases where it's not 100% sure whether their tits are real or not. Asking them whether their boobs are fake isn't enough since, as we all know, actresses tend to lie a lot - and not just on casting couches.
LAYOUT: Each year shows ALL the outstanding tits. Actresses with average or shitty tits are not included, no matter how famous they may be. FIVE of these are selected to be actual nominees, just like with the regular shitty Oscars. The winner and the other four nominees are all marked with bold orange lettering. For those of you who still don't get it: these 5 are the best of the year. All the candidates - nominees and non-nominees - aren't listed in any particular order, except the winner who is shown at the end of each year's list.
So now that you know who picked the winners and what the criteria are, check out the lucky gals who got to carry home these prestigious awards for showing their great tits to the general public.
A more primitive version of the Best Tits Oscar list had first been posted by me in 2009.
Oscars For Best Tits: 1970-1974
1970.
 |
| Ellen Burstyn in "Tropic of Cancer" |
 |
| Francine Middleton & Susan Sarandon in "Joe" |
 |
| Uschi Digard & Jennie Lynn in "Getting Into Heaven" |
 |
| Stephanie Powers in "Crescendo" & Celine Lomez in "Initiation" |
 |
| Ingrid Steeger in "Die liebestollen Baronessen" |
 |
| Louise Trucot in "Two Women In Gold" |
 |
| Anita Pallenberg in "Performance" |
And The Winner Of The Best Tits Oscar Is...
 |
| Milja Vujanovic for "Bube U Glavi" |
Acceptance Speech: "Osecaj je stvarno neverovatan, dobiti ovu nagradu pored takve plejade fantasticnih sisa koje su se takmicile protiv mojih. Vec sam prosle godine bila nominovana, ali ona pizda of rezisera nije hteo da publici jasno prikaze moje spektakularne grudi, te je sve bio zamracio ne bi li scena delovala vise kaobajagi umetnicka, ma debil bre, i zato valjda nisam pobedila. Ali, eto, sada napokon drzim ovu divnu nagradu u rukama. Velika mi je cast da sam iza sebe ostavila takve kurve kao sto su Susan Sarandon i Stephanie Powers... Sorry, I try to say it in English... I most honoured to beat such whores as Susan and Stephanie, and Yugoslavia be proud for me winning this. Thank you so much!"
1971.
 |
| Virginia Wetherell in "A Clockwork Orange" |
 |
| Adrienne Corri in "A Clockwork Orange" |
 |
| Debbi Morgan in "Cry Uncle" |
 |
| Pamela Gruen in "Cry Uncle" |
 |
| Yokki Rhodes in "Bread" |
 |
| Pam Grier in "The Big Doll House" (pics) + "Women In Cages" |
 |
| Muriel Catala in "Le Sauveur" |
 |
| Anicee Alvina in "Friends" |
 |
| Angelique Pettyjohn in "G.I. Executioner" |
 |
| Christina Lindberg in "Exposed" |
 |
| Susan George in "Straw Dogs" |
 |
| Kimberly Hyde in "The Last Picture Show" & Susan Sarandon in "The Apprentice" |
 |
| Madeleine Collinson in "Twins of Evil" |
 |
| Fiona Lewis in "Villain" & Ornela Muti in "Summer Affair" |
 |
| Sandra Julien in "Le frisson des vampires" |
 |
| Helga Marlo (Elga Machaty) in "The Naked Countess" |
 |
| Melita Bihali in "Bubasinter" |
 |
| Cybill Shepherd in "The Last Picture Show" & Jenny Agutter in "Walkabout" |
And The Winner Is...
 |
| Laura Antonelli for "Il merlo maschio" |
Acceptance Speech: "I like-a to thank-a the Chairman of the Boobs Awards-a, Vjetropev, for a-making this the most-a best-a prize in the world! He ask me half hour ago if he can-a touch-a my boobs-a but I say no-a. Not his fault, he not know I not a whore like-a the other skanks-a who lost to me. Excepta for Jenny, she very nice girl."
1972.
 |
| Laura Antonelli in "Docteur Popaul" + "The Eroticist" |
 |
| Maria Schneider in "Last Tango In Paris" |
 |
| Juliet Mills in "Avanti!" & Gay Singleton in "Permissive" |
 |
| Pam Grier in "Hit Man" + "Cool Breeze" (lower left) |
 |
| Marlene Appelt in "Le sex-shop" |
 |
| Helen Mirren in "Savage Messiah" |
 |
| Elena Fiore in "The Seduction of Mimi" |
 |
| Valerie Perrine in "Slaughterhouse 5" & Domini Blythe in "Vampire Circus" |
 |
| Rita Calderoni in "Delirium" & Cookie Mueller in "Pink Flamingos" |
 |
| Camille Keaton in "Tragic Ceremony" |
 |
| Susannah York in "Images" |
 |
| Terry Gibson (lower left) & Peggy Church in "The Pigkeeper's Daughter" |
 |
| Gina Paluzzi in "The Pigkeeper's Daughter" |
 |
| Sybil Danning in "Bluebeard" & Maggie Stride in "Permissive" |
 |
| Barbara Hershey in "Boxcar Bertha" |
 |
| Edwige Fenech in "The Case of the Bloody Iris" & Bernadette Lafont in "Une belle fille comme moi" |
 |
| Ann Michelle in "Virgin Witch" |
 |
| Heather Johnson in "The Canterbury Tales" |
And The Winner Is...
 |
| Stella Stevens for "Slaughter" |
Acceptance Speech: "Oh my God, jeez, where do I even start? Looking at all the girls I beat this year, I am so awed, coz I'm not the youngest anymore, and my boobs are already sagging a bit, but it's so nice that the Academy of Arts & Sciences & Very Nice Melons doesn't just favour 19-year-olds. The director was adamant that I show my boobs in the movie, and now I am soooo grateful to him for having such amazing vision, to have realized how crucial those boobs are to the flow of the story, but also coz it means I am holding this prestigious award for the best pair of tits. I hope you guys nominate me again if I shoot more nude scenes with even hangier boobs."
1973.
 |
| Kay Lenz in "Breezy" & Beatrice Romand in "Themroc" |
 |
| Rosaria della Femmina in "Torso" & Pam Grier in "Coffy" (photo) + "Black Mama White Mama" |
 |
| Stephanie Beacham in "Mafia Junction" & Monique van de Van in "Turks Fruit" |
 |
| Maria Antonietta Beluzzi in "Amarcord" |
 |
| Kris McQuade in "Alvin Purple" |
 |
| Shara Berriman & Lynette Curran in "Alvin Purple" |
 |
| Laura Antonelli in "Malizia" + "Sessomatto" & Barbara Hershey in "Love Comes Quietly" |
 |
| Britt Ekland in "The Wicker Man" & Suzanne Sommers in "Magnum Force" |
 |
| Marie Marczack in "If Don Juan Were a Woman" |
 |
| Heather Collins in "Bummer" |
 |
| Tara Strohmeier in "The Student Teachers" |
 |
| Christina Lindberg in "Sex and Fury" |
 |
| Reiko Ike in "Criminal Woman" (above), "Female Yakuza: A Tale of Inquisition and Torture" (below) + "Sex & Fury" |
 |
| Anitra Ford & Victoria Vetri in "Invasion of the Bee Girls" |
 |
| Beverly Powers & Sharon Kelly in "Invasion of the Bee Girls" |
And The Winner Is...
 |
| Lynn Lowry for "Sugar Cookies" |
Acceptance Speech: "First of all, it's such an honour to compete with all these tits. Secondly, it's great to win - especially against boob-legends such as Coffy! Her portrayal of Pam Grier is as legendary as are her boobs, and to actually beat her is a milestone for me. ("Milestone" doesn't have anything to do with either miles or stones, right?) And then to beat out a pregnant, big-titted woman such as Barbara? Wow! If these were the regular Oscars I bet you'd give the award to her coz she's pregnant. But so glad that you guys aren't PC and only honour the best - and my puffy breasts are certainly that."
1974.
 |
| Pascale Christophe in "Immoral Tales" |
 |
| Lise Danvers & Charlotte Alexandra in "Immoral Tales" |
 |
| Marianne Eggerickx in "Shadow of a Chance" (upper row) + "Glissements progressifs du plaisir" (lower row) |
 |
| Kathleen Tolan in "Death Wish" |
 |
| Chesty Morgan in "Deadly Weapons" (left) + "Double Agent 73" (right) |
 |
| Jill Damas in "The Games Girls Play" |
 |
| Judy Matheson in "Confessions of a Window Cleaner" & Halina Kowalska in "Jak to se robi" |
 |
| Judy Stevenson in "Alvin Rides Again" |
 |
| Jeannie Bell in "Policewoman" (upper) + "T.N.T. Jackson" (lower) |
 |
| Adriana Asti in "The Phantom of Liberty" & Pam Grier in "The Arena" (above right) + "Foxy Brown" (below) |
 |
| Cheryl Rainbeaux Smith in "Caged Heat" (above - not pregnant) + "The Swinging Cheerleaders" (below - pregnant) |
 |
| Rosanne Katon in "The Swinging Cheerleaders" |
 |
| Candy Samples in "Flesh Gordon" |
 |
| Ornella Muti in "Romanzo Popolare" |
 |
| Lisa Harrow in "The Tempter" |
 |
| Muriel Catala in "The Verdict" & Valerie Perrine in "Lenny" |
And The Winner Is...
 |
| Sharon Kelly for "Foxy Brown" |
Acceptance Speech: "Oh my Goooooood, thank you sooooo much for this! Everyone thought Pam would win, and I hope she doesn't throw too much of a fit... There she is, sitting in the... one... two... three... Sitting in the third row. She seems calm about it, but she may explode later, I hope not. It can't be easy losing out to me, seeing as how we were both in the same movie, and she was the star and I was just one of the girls who briefly flash their tits and all. Anyway, glad the Academy of Tits & Boobs recognized my chestal talents, coz guys have been jerking off to me for years - and now this, the icing on the cake! Wow!"
Best Tits Oscars 1975-1979:
Best 50 Comic-Book Cartoonists Ever:
Have You Ever Done An I.Q. Test?
For Invasion of the Bee Girls, the image you have listed for Anitra Ford is actually Katie Saylor.
ReplyDeleteAny interest in Cheryl Grunwald in A Clockwork Orange? She was previously misidentified as the redhead who was raped in the movie played during the Ludovico treatment scene, but she's actually the busty brunette attacked by Billy Boy's gang early in the movie.
I commented here sometime in the past year regarding Anitra Ford in Invasion of the Bee Girls. Given the issues you've been having with comments I'll point it out again. That's not Ford, who was rather flat-chested. It's Katie Saylor (http://vintage-erotica-forum.com/showthread.php?p=4693633#post4693633).
ReplyDeleteDoes Cheryl Grunwald in The Devils (http://ancensored.com/clip/The-Devils/Cheryl-Grunwald/5c3b33d3697a85085531d2a3) make the cut? '71 looks like a strong year. Grunwald had a more memorable scene in A Clockwork Orange that year, but she's probably too distant from the camera for it to be included here.